"Would you just trust me?" - Learning From My Younger Self

October, dated 2015, rough draft of newsletter for MOPS (Mothers of PreSchoolers)

It was a stressful season, again. My husband was in between jobs, finances were dwindling, and this time we had a newborn. As if marriage wasn’t challenging enough, now I was a clueless mommy, or at least I felt like one.

Please play while reading my story.

My baby boy was crying. I knew that was his hungry cry. As I sat and shifted to feed, our finances and needs scanned across my brain like a tickertape: electric bill, diapers, rent in two weeks, fuel, groceries… That turned into questioning ways we might accidentally spend money: leaving during mealtime to get groceries, so buying groceries we didn’t need, or stopping for takeout because we were too hungry to finish shopping on an empty stomach… You get the point. Stress compounds the more you think about it, and my brain would not shut off. And all this time, my son would not latch for feeding time.

I stared at him in disbelief. He was inches away from nourishment with his eyes closed, his face scrunched up, and screaming. I turned his face to reach milk and he pushed back against my hand, screaming even louder.

“Isaac, would you just trust me?” I said. “I have everything you need.”

It was as if God laughed. Just the day before I had written in my journal about watching Isaac sleep, his face completely peaceful, all curled up and cozy. I just watched him sleep and adored him. I was reminded that God watches His children, no matter the age, like that too. God was showing me, more and more, His love in a new way, in now understanding His parent/child bond.

Now my own words were speaking to me, as if God had spoken them directly to me: “Trust Me. I have everything You need.”

RESPONSE

FATHER, how many times have I spent days worrying about something and then can’t even remember how it was all resolved? How much time do I spend worrying and screaming with my eyes closed, when YOU have already provided? I want to thank YOU, really thank YOU, that we made it through that time. I don’t remember how, other than to give YOU full credit. YOU did it, even while I worried.

The Message version of Matthew 6:30-33 says, “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers – most of which are never ever seen – don’t you think He’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do His best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way He works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how He works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.”

PRAYER

Thank YOU, Lord, that YOU give us such beautiful attention. Thank YOU that YOU take care of us, take pride in us, and do Your best for us. Help me to respond to Your giving, to remind myself of how much YOU gave, over and over in Scripture, and that YOU truly are the same yesterday, today, and forever, so I can take all those actions YOU did for people of the Bible and realize they are actions YOU are still willing to do for me. I need to repeat that. All the things YOU did for the people of the Bible, YOU are willing to do for me.

I stretch out my faith today in remembering how YOU brought water out of a rock for the Israelites (Isaiah 48:12), how YOU floated manna down from heaven as their provision, (Exodus 16:31) and even over-indulged them with quail (Numbers 11:32). YOU vanquished their enemies, little by little, so they could recognize their enemy and see them flee through Your power, before allowing them to conquer another one (Deuteronomy 7:22). YOU help us conquer fear, little by little, that we will recognize the changes in our lives, and YOU will receive all glory. Thank YOU for Your continual provision. In the mighty, trustworthy name of Jesus, amen.

One more thing, readers! Don’t have a Bible? Want a simple way to look up Scripture? YOUVersion app is great for your phone, your tablet, your laptop. One of my favorite features is the audio feature. I can have Scripture or reading plans read to me while I do dishes, work in the garden, or fold laundry. I’m hands-free and still learning. Here’s the link: https://www.youversion.com/

Did this story remind you of one of your own? Tell me about it! Email me at [email protected]. I can’t wait to learn from you.

Picture by https://www.facebook.com/InHisSightPhotography?mibextid=LQQJ4d

By : elizabethdye